Sex. It’s everywhere, rammed down our throats from when most of us in the western world are probably capable of a conscious thought. On every billboard, every magazine page, every television screen, clothes, products, music, tooth paste, you name it, we are programmed to strive for the perfect body, to equate happiness with being sexually desirable, from the earliest age. Blah blah nothing we all don’t know.

And that’s where travelling can be rather refreshing. There are places and cultures in the world where everything is not sold, marketed or believed to be achieved by sex and sexuality. I’ve seen them. And I can assure you phi phi island most definitely isn’t one of them. In fact it’s the opposite. It’s still relatively undeveloped compared to other neighbouring islands, which is of course part of its particular charm. There’s no billboards or shopping centres here. But boy, she doesn’t need them. Lady phi phis reputation precedes her, and she doesn’t disappoint.

Come 1am on the beach, other then someone falling off the pole at Slinky the most likely thing you’ll be hit round the head with is a pheromone. Sure people come here to see maya bay and do abit of snorkelling, but that is really a prerequisite. People come here to party. Because as I’ve said many times anything goes here, the air is ripe with desire, the people a walking buffet – pick what you like it’s yours. You can leave your dignity and respect at the pier if you like and consider yourself lucky if a tourist even attempts to make ten minutes tedious conversation before trying to dribble all over your face – because they don’t need to. If you’re not interested likely as not the next thing with tits and a pulse will be.

Now believe me I’m no saint, but even I’ve watched in amazement at some of the madness unfurling around me. I sat cringing over a pizza slice just the other day listening to some girl literally pleading for “just one little root bro, come on” to a panic stricken young chap who was sweating profusely and to his credit still trying to be polite about declining the offer. I felt like weeping on to my margarita. Sex here is like reading a book, or going for a swim. It’s just another thing to do. Once in a blue moon love may have something to do with it, but really here, probably not.

Phi Phi like any of the party places all over the world is just a playground for no strings attached physical pleasure, enabled by alcohol and powered by the lack of boundaries. Which is fine, I’m all for being as sexually liberal as the next person if thats where you are right now. It’s just that I suppose I’m getting a bit tired of it. I know living somewhere like this exacerbates the whole thing, but to a lesser degree it seems to be like that everywhere these days. I choose to live my life on the wild side, I always have done, the idea of two point four kids, a 9 to 5 and a nice house still fills me with dread. It’s not what I’m looking for at all. But on the same level, I’ve been through enough, know myself enough and have reached a stage in my life where a slobbering tourist offering me all the carnal delights the world has to offer for a night, just doesn’t turn me on anymore. No matter how many tattoos or muscles they’ve got.

For me personally as well I have to be extra careful because I fall in love at the drop of a hat. I cannot count the number of times throughout my life I’ve caught myself going bambi-eyed over some douche with a criminal record, and it’s only been in the last couple of years or so that I’ve managed to calm it down somewhat (much to the relief of my poor long suffering friends). However, although I’ve learnt a lot about myself, I’m aware that under it all I’m still a hopeless romantic, and still more prone then most sane people to falling in love. Im also aware that my previous dalliances have made me somewhat more cynical then I ever have been, and I’m aware that there is something of a wall there. So with this knowledge in the back of my head the challenge for me these days is not ticking off someone from every nationality, but more finding someone that will prove me wrong about my weariness of 99% of the male population, even if it’s not forever but just for the time we are together, if good sex happens along the way then so much the better, and if one day something like love actually happens…. I’ll eat my hat.

Lol, just kidding.